i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
