Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I could make wine with my vomit
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
