The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
