i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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