xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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