dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
