dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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