He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
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so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
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Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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