so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
