when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
And then he peed in my hair
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