Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
