she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
