wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
