I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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