I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
