its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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