During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
