You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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