Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
