I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
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