I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
