and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
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we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
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Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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