Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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