are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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