I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
