Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
