while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Send help, water and tortillas.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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