like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
