umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Damn victory sex feels great
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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