Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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