It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
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