Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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