When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
