How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
