So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Randomize
