It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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