Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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