final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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