He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
