True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
