I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize