Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
