I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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