I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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