My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
