Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
