Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize