so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
