erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
