dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
