so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
