guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
