hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
