lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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