ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
