i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
