wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
