We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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