I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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