i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
the day after is always just damage control
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
