Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
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